He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize