jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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