i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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