Man, jail baloney is awful.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize