Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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