my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
