i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my sisters under your porch take her home
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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