My first STD was from a foam party
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
