the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
