I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
