so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
