The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
