No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
