I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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