I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
