All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
