you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
