sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
