YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
