mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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