i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
