he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My vagina is very pro this idea
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
