just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
