Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
