My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
