K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
