I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
