Im at strip club and am horny
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
