Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't turn off my feet"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
