I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
sex in a hospital.. check
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
