you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
