I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
