You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
