i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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