I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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