would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
