the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And then my night got REAL pukey
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
