so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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