My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
