I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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