Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They took my balls.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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