It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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