i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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