worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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