My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
