oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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