Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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