sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
