he told me I talked like a deaf person
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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