My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
