I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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