Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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