haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
