toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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