the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
