how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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