i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
