Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
