You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
