I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
