i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
