Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
