Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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