Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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