Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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