wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
