So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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