Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
