Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
