I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
